Liberals and intellectuals to release official list of seculars, propose renaming cities

An approved list will be made public in order to avoid confusion and allow common citizens to easily protest

Eminent intellectuals and liberals have come together to put an end to the confusion of who is deemed secular and who communal. One of the most ardent intellectual writers, multiple award winner Garish K’mad said,

We want to make it easy for the common man to protest, even if he or she does not really know the facts of the matter. The public can now rely on this list which we have made, with inputs from an esteemed intellectuals panel

A panel member remarked:

Everybody wants to be called liberal and secular, so we are making a ready reckoner. People can now simply proclaim that two or more persons in the list are their heroes, and by doing so, they become liberal. It also helps identify communal and intolerant friends. If someone has anything negative to say about any of the confirmed seculars, you immediately know that you have to call them ‘bhakt’ and shame them.

Farzinews was told that the recent issue surrounding the celebrations marking the birth anniversary of the late Mysore king, Tipu Sultan, gave impetus to the creation of this list. The partial list that we obtained contained only historical figures. The full list, we are given to believe, contains present day public figures too.

In the secular list, some of the names include:

  • Tipu Sultan
  • Auranzeb
  • Timur
  • Muhammed of Gazni
  • Bakhtiyar Khilji

According to the intellectuals, the persons, like other names in the final list are mandatorily secular. Anyone claiming otherwise is a ‘communal force’. These communal forces may present so-called historical facts or current-day empirical evidence, but those are to be completely discarded, Garish K’mad said.

Garish K’mad seemed overcome with mixed emotions over Tipu Sultan. He was initially elated that the state government in Karnataka had decided to celebrate the secular patriotic king’s birthday. Later, when questions were asked about Tipu’s secularism, Garish was angry and disappointed with the lack of intellectualism amongst the citizens.

Garish said, the real victim in those days was Tipu himself, who faced extremely uncooperative citizens in the Malabar and Coorg areas. “It was the citizens who did not cooperate with Tipu to adopt secularism, thereby forcing the hand of the brave, patriotic and secular Tipu to enforce secularism and benevolence with some degree of force. Today’s communal forces have distorted history”, he said.

Renaming cities after seculars

Garish and his fellow intellectuals are said to be working on a proposal to rename Delhi after Timur, to honor the great warrior king’s patriotic efforts in ridding the city off its ‘communal’ citizens in 1398 AD and setting the stage for secularism in India.

Similarly, the district of Nalanda in Bihar is to be renamed after Bakhtiyar Khilji, who has been an under- recognized secular war hero. Unable to let communal hate material threaten the secular fabric of his beloved kingdom, he took it upon himself to have all such material destroyed once and for all. The wise and kind General displayed his secularism by honoring the sun god in the means adopted to destroy the ‘communal’ materials.

Mysore, of course, is to be named Tipu, for obvious reasons of his secularism.

It is only apt to rename the temple town of Tirupati after Muhammad of Ghazni, owing to the riches that are present in the temple. All other major temple towns should be named after Aurangzeb, in recognition of his well-known love for temples.

Girish K’mad was seen rubbing his hands with glee, as he visualized his liberal dream.

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